Product Review: Kurvana ASCND Pink Sherbet Cart

by Carrie Fuckin' Dabshaw
Kurvana_PinkSherbet_CarrieDabshaw

Pink Sherbet At-A-Glance

Highlights

Kurvana's obsession with perfection prevails in a surprisingly delicious high quality cart.

Effects

Bright, sparkling mood enhancement with a dash of psychedelia effortlessly summons a joyful ease.

Price

Unbeatable quality justifies the elevated price point-$70 for an experience that feels like $70.

Find it On Emjay

You deserve the best ASCND with Kurvana's Full Gram Pink Sherbet Cart for free delivery or in-store pick up.

About Kurvana

Kurvana brings a new level of professionalism and transparency to the vape industry space which so sorely needs it. Thru creative engineering and a focus on science, Kurvana exceeds industry standards on what constitutes an acceptable product. With metrics above and beyond what’s required, Kurvana seeks solely to provide the cleanest, safest, and purest vapes on the market today. If you’re just joining us since recreational legalization, you don’t know how deeply sus the licensed market used to be. Reliable, standardized dosing was nearly unheard of and it could be damn near impossible to find any valuable information on the product’s process or ingredients.

Founded in 2014, Kurvana’s sole aim is to bring transparency and purity into the cannabis space. With a team of Ph.D. scientists and trained engineers, Kurvana works tirelessly to bolster the highest potential for full-spectrum products. Kurvana uses a proprietary extraction process to maximize and preserve the unique phytochemical fingerprint of each cannabis flower. This is not one of those brands that just slap a cute name on whatever the fuck distillate-Kurvana honors the inherent perfection of nature by faithfully replicating each plant’s magical DNA blueprint.

Kurvana uses only high-quality, organically grown, raw flower from trusted, respected sources to make their oil. There are no additional additives in the final product- every terpene is straight from the source. Kurvana maintains its own state-of-the-art analytical testing lab to measure the level of pesticides present in the final product down to the parts per trillion. This information is shared on the box alongside the potency statistics and provides an awesome level of confidence knowing that what you’re about to consume is free of additives, pesticides, and solvents.

Highlights

The ASCND line is the latest in Kurvana’s obsession with raising the bar on quality and reliability. Kurvana’s propriety extraction process delivers true-to-strain flavor with over 95% cannabinoid potency. Full-spectrum, single-origin extracts preserve crucial bioactive terpenes and flavinoids to provide a natural weedy flavor uninterrupted by artificial additives. Each ASCND product makes good on its name with an advanced interrogation into how high modern technology can take us with the Earth as its anchor. Mother Nature gave us the goods and now it’s up to us to see how faithfully we can honor it.

Kurvana’s ASCND is available in 15 striking strains, including Cactus Cooler, Cosmic Glue, High Fashion, and Earth OG which absolutely blew me away in its all-in-one format. It still stands as the single greatest disposable I have ever tried and in sharing it with chronically ill friends they’ve found it particularly healing as well. It is truly remarkable to see cannabis move closer and closer to medical-grade quality and it feels great to have such confidence in a product.

Promising the cleanest, purest, and most natural products are (rightfully) major buzzwords in marketing today, especially in Los Angeles. In the cannabis space, these claims take on an added weight as flower moves closer and closer to mainstream acceptance as an alternative to traditional for-profit medicine. Because it is so mind-bogglingly beautiful that this plant just exists and just so happens to make our experience so much better and so much more rich-we have a duty to hold these companies to their word when they claim that they’ve preserved and honored that beauty.

Effects

Because Kurvana’s Earth OG All-In-One blew me away so fully, it is now impossible for me to look at anything they put out without emoji-styled heart eyes.  Kurvana’s packaging screams class and elegance. From the reassuring tactile experience to the muted earth tones and gorgeous graphic design, Kurvana makes you feel like you got the good stuff. 

More importantly, their process and attention to detail back that promise up. Kurvana’s full spectrum high-potency true-to-plant oil is rigorously monitored and the box it comes in offers an excellent introductory course into a wider breadth of cannabis knowledge. Kurvana lists the primary terpenes for greater insight into the why of how these work and if you pay close enough attention you can get to know your own needs and preferences better by tracking what works for you.

At a Herculean 94.93% cannabinoid load, Kurvana’s oil is efficient and requires little effort to get where you want to go.  Over 91% THC means you won’t have to smoke on this long for the most shimmering Pink Sherbet effects to emerge. With the lab-tested promise of a pesticide, heavy-metal, microbiological, and solvent-free experience this is a smokeable you can confidently share with your most health-conscious loved ones. 

I broke into the package with the utmost reverence in hopes of preserving the inventive design. Kurvana provides a nuanced and well-expressed encapsulation of Pink Sherbet’s effects but I encourage you to refrain from their description until you’ve met your own experience. Don’t spoil the ending-let the commune unfold without expectation. Every step of the unboxing is pure class and I encourage you to savor it as the first rumblings of your uplift.

Pink Sherbet offers a Strawberry Banana inhale unlike any I’ve ever encountered in cannabis. Or food or beverage to be completely honest with you. You know how the smoothie always looks better in the commercials? (and that’s the point right?) Kurvana achieves a flavor as wildly enticing as the advertising aims for you to dream of. The flavor isn’t forced or heavy-handed but light and complementary to a grounded weightless earthiness. 

Pink Sherbet leans you like a flower towards the sunshine that is your happiness. This delicious concoction instantly illuminates a perspective of well-being and ease. This is the strain to switch stations from an annoying ass day to a lively and unbothered decompress. This is a good mood in a jar with a delicious lick of psychedelia on top. Pink Sherbet is the Cardi B of vapes-playful, bright, lively, and tons of fun. This is perfect for going dancing or vibing poolside-anything that lets your joy blossom naturally without disruption. 

Price

Pink Sherbet is a delight on every possible metric. Dropping $70 on it is steep but feels fair.
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