Kurvana ASCND Earth OG Disposable Vape Review

by Carrie Fuckin' Dabshaw
Kurvana_EarthOG_CarrieDabshaw

About Kurvana ASCND

Kurvana was founded in 2014 with the intention of bringing transparency and purity into the cannabis space. Thru creative engineering and a focus on science, Kurvana brings a level of professionalism and transparency that used to be much harder to find. If you are just joining us since recreational legalization, you don’t know how bad it used to get. Reliable, standardized dosing or any valuable information on the product’s ingredients could be really hard to find. Kurvana aims to undo all that.

Ph.D. scientists and trained engineers work together to bolster the highest potential for Kurvana’s full-spectrum products. Kurvana uses a proprietary extraction process to maximize and preserve the unique phytochemical fingerprint of the cannabis flower. High-quality, organically grown, raw flower from trusted, respected farmers is the sole source of Kurvana’s oil. There are no additional additives in the final product- every terpene you taste is straight from the source. Kurvana maintains their own state-of-the-art analytical testing lab to measure the level of pesticides present in the final product down to the parts per trillion to ensure every single product comes to you free of additives, pesticides, microbial, and solvents.

Kurvana exceeds the industry standards for clean, safe, and natural extracts and aims to raise them even higher.

Highlights

Kurvana’s line of ASCND all-in-one vaporizers is the latest in their obsession with elevating the standard for cannabis quality and reliability. Kurvana’s propriety extraction process delivers true-to-strain flavor for these disposables which deliver across the board potency of 95% cannabinoids or higher. Full-spectrum, single-origin extracts preserve crucial bioactive terpenes and flavinoids to provide a natural weedy flavor uninterrupted by artificial additives. ASCND offers Kurvana’s newly minted heating element with an optimized airflow design to maintain high dose draws consistently. 

Kurvana’s ASCND is available in 15 striking strains including Cactus Cooler, Cosmic Glue, High Fashion, and the Earth OG featured here. Earth OG combines Ghost OG with cerebral hall-of-famer Sour Diesel. Lab testing reveals 95.11% cannabinoids with .40% CBD and 92.15% THC.

Offering the cleanest, purest, and most natural experiences are (rightfully) major marketing buzzwords these days, especially in Los Angeles. In the cannabis space, these claims take on an added weight as flower moves closer and closer to mainstream acceptance as an alternative to traditional for-profit medicine. When we present ourselves as paying homage to the cosmic majesty of our celestial mother and attempt to recreate the effortless perfection of the natural ecosystem we are quite literally shooting for the stars. 

Let’s see if Kurvana can measure up.

Effects

The Kurvana experience begins with their above-and-beyond in-house lab testing results. The customer receives instant reassurance that this product is free of heavy metals, solvents, and pesticides. The label even breaks down the primary terpenes of the strain which is an awesome way to deepen your overall cannabis knowledge and insight into your particular tastes. 

And the free game doesn’t stop there. When you slide open the box to reveal the pen (which is a surprisingly satisfying tactile experience) a little slip of paper-which hits like a note passed in class-pops out at just the perfect moment to let you know that you can put your thumb over the air-intake hole to adjust the device’s airflow. 2021 meet your newest incarnation of the carb.  Kurvana goes above and beyond to justify their price point.

The tactile sensation of Kurvana’s ASCND is incredible-the vape feels amazing.  Matte earth tones really add an air of sophistication to the packaging and the finish and mouthpiece of the ASCND disposable really stand out in the sea of cookie-cutter vape options. 

I took Kurvana up on their cheat code and covered the intake hole to modulate the hit-it makes a big difference and absolutely lets you rip the pen much harder than you otherwise would be able to. The time and effort Kurvana put into preserving the phytochemical fingerprint of the plant absolutely prevails on the inhale.  A very herbal flavor is made sparkling by a really delightful clove. The hit is extraordinarily clean and smooth with a weightless mouthfeel.

This is an excellent option for someone who isn’t familiar with or interested in smoking their herb. For someone new to the game with low tolerance one or two puffs will absolutely do the trick. This is great for beginners but pros will appreciate the nuanced uplift. I won’t name names but some weed hits you with the dull knockout of a mallet. This is not that. Earth OG feels very safe and delicate. The high is very potent but very clear. A complete snuggle bunny of a smoke, excellent for cuddling, stretching, and watching TV in bed. There’s a nice confidence to this lift and the high feels more sacred than just a fun night in. The cannabinoids shine in an array of hues that make for a more layered experience.

If vape pens were sold at the grocery store, these would only be available at Whole Foods. With no competition, this is the best disposable vape pen I’ve ever had.

Price

$38 underestimates how vastly Kurvana has upped the disposable game.  ASCND is absolutely worth it. 

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